Wallaby Wednesday: How would the Rocko characters fare on Double Dare?

The title character and two secondary protagonists on Rocko’s Modern Life all have game-show experience. As it happens, they all fared well.

Rocko won the first phase of a new kitchen, Filburt a new dwelling and Heffer a trip “someplace warm.”

But what if they came together and tried winning a game show as a team? Among their saga’s Nickelodeon cohabitants, their best test would come via Double Dare.

Like the original, the current Double Dare typically pits teams of two. But for this scenario, we shall go with the quad-squad formats of Family Double Dare (whose original run nearly overlapped with Rocko’s) and Double Dare 2000.

To set this hypothetical crossover in motion, let us assume Heffer proposes auditioning. Of the three buddies, he is the most eager to get on TV, as previously evidenced by his (however unwitting) transaction with Peaches. And even when Rocko entered the trivia contest for a kitchen, he did so at Heffer’s behest.

For a little drama, let us imagine Heffer draws extra determination from competing against his adoptive family. Perhaps the Wolfes have ruled him out for reasons similar to when they had fallen on hard times and chosen to rent out his room in “Bedfellows.” Or maybe George is disciplining Heffer over a given immature or mischievous act gone too far.

Come what may, there are already two parents and two biological pups filling their Double Dare roster. However fairly or unfairly, they get priority over their household’s adopted man-calf.

Under this premise, the steer would be the de facto captain of his own team, for better or worse. But what would he and his friends bring to the table? What follies would each player need to work to minimize? And maybe most crucially, who should they enlist as their fourth player?

To answer all three questions, here is the Double Dare scouting report for every Team Heffer prospect.

 

Heffer

Heffer would be helpless in the trivia portions of Double Dare. His stint on Triple 6 typifies his to-a-fault exuberance. And even if he bothers to look before leaping, he likely would not know many answers anyway.

All of that might trip up his determination to defeat the Wolfes and avenge his perceived slight. With that said, if his teammates take charge of formulating and communicating answers, Heffer can save his energy for the physical challenges. This is where the opposition may underestimate him at their own peril, for the Wolfes only seem to know him as a couch potato.

Heffer’s ample physique is not all built on empty calories. He has shown a decent share of strength and stamina before, such as when he raced Rocko to the hospital in “Tickled Pinky.” Moreover, in less urgent situations, he has a history of translating his compete level to impressive athleticism.

Look no further than his regal status at the roller rink for his potential aptitude in this department. His surprising deftness on the ski slopes, especially in contrast to Rocko, is nothing to overlook either.

The team may not get a chance or feel the need to take an in-game physical challenge. But remember that those also start each of the two rounds, with points and control of the board at stake. If and when pies or other realistic-looking faux edibles are involved, Heffer would have that much more incentive.

 

Rocko

Heffer’s aforementioned sprint to the hospital was prompted by the sudden onset of Rocko’s appendicitis. That incident derailed their day at a jackhammering convention.

But when healthy, Rocko is a prize-winning competitor in that hobby. As such, he too ought to come in handy during Double Dare’s physical challenges.

His unprecedented victory in a rigged carnival game furthers that notion, as does his persistence in the contests that remained futile. Being in better shape than Heffer, he should also have better range on the challenges. Ditto the various stages of the obstacle course, which his team would divide if they make it that far.

Then again, an O-Townized version of Double Dare would likely entail an obstacle course along the lines of the aforementioned roller rink. To get through that, Rocko may require a few fortuitous falls.

But on Double Dare, completing the obstacle course is an extra victory. Getting there requires besting the opposition on a combination of triva and physical challenges. Rocko is learned enough to lead his team on the former, although his game-show sample size does not tell much. He defeated an inanimate can of baked beans and a marble-missing man named Nutsy on a comic-book question.

Then again, if his team draws questions on, say, world cultures, the floor should be all Rocko’s.

 

Filburt

Filburt’s suspectibility to stage fright, nausea and hives may make him the team’s greatest liability. Fortunately for his sake, this is not an individual competition, unlike his other appearances before live audiences.

Physical challenges and certain stages of the obstacle course may faze Filburt regardless. But when the team huddles to determine trivia answers, he too will have a good chance at hitting on a forte. Mechanics and avian biology are merely two of his numerous outside interests that could come in handy at any moment.

Unless he opens an ominous fortune cookie ahead of the taping, Filburt should not go in entirely devoid of confidence. Nor will he necessarily be on his viewers’ bad side, as he was when he appeared on Mega-Spin. In addition, this is not nearly as consequential as his dental-school final.

The reduced pressure alone should at least provide a semblance of advantage. And while Buddy Gecko would not be of much help here, on tape or in person, Filburt will have Rocko, Heffer and a third teammate by his side.

On that note, who should that at-large ally be? Furthermore, if Filburt is ruled too anxious to compete, who fills that void?

 

Paula or Bev

Besides his two longtime friends, who better than his soul mate to calm Filburt’s nerves?

Beyond intangible support, Dr. Hutchison would bring a brimful skill set to Heffer’s Double Dare team. Her feline acrobatics and versatile combination of paws and hooks exude promise for the physical challenges and obstacle course.

In addition, she has doubtlessly picked up an ample range of practical and trivial knowledge in her countless career stops. Ditto the protracted educational path she must have followed to attain her degree(s).

By the same token, Hutch may decide she is too busy with work and/or taking care of her and Filburt’s children. For that reason, maybe they should consider letting Filburt watch the kids while their mother prepares and competes.

Or, considering how much more work she does than Filburt in and out of the house, Paula may simply feel better served taking a more relaxing break from her grueling job and enjoying the game from the audience.

In that event, Bev Bighead is the next-best choice. More often than not, she is all but the polar opposite of her crotchety husband in seeking fun activities like this. The way she earned the distinction of “genius” by filling in for Ed at Conglom-O all but verifies her value in the show’s trivia portion.

Maybe most importantly, if and when Heffer and/or Filburt take their excitement too far, a seasoned mother figure could help Rocko rein them in like no one else. Having both Bev and Paula working with Rocko to that effect with Heffer alone could arguably boost their odds all the more.