Wallaby Wednesday: Could Filburt be a volunteer for medical research?

Leave it to Turtystrol — the medication advertised during NickRewind (nee The Splat) programming — to defeat its own purpose.

The psychological toll and physical symptoms of chronic, overwhelming worry are Turtystrol’s target. Yet it is known to inflict “shellshock and extreme cases of hives,” which likewise signify flight when one wants to fight. It is also not advised for those who are prone to “wicked nightmares.”

Filburt is the unfortunate, natural poster child for all aspects of this fictitious prescription pill. As useful as it could be for him, it is ultimately liable to exacerbate his difficulties.

Odds are medical and pharmaceutical researchers know this because they tested it on him first. In the Rocko’s Modern Life chronicles, several signs point to a borderline career in clinical trials for the turtle.

Filburt’s trademark myriad of ailments could both stem from the studies and prompt him to participate in more. Multiple episodes bear evidence that he has become morbidly enthused by the idea of taking ill. If doing so spells an opportunity for a handy paycheck, such as attitude is at least somewhat understandable.

As Dr. Hutchison tells Filburt’s friends, he “got excited” when his symptoms of amphibial glottal bloaticitis emerged. She had previously been annoyed by Filburt’s insistence that his rash is more than minor skin irritation and reluctantly taken him to the hospital. He later returns to Rocko’s house with “terrible news” that “the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me.”

Granted, in both instances, it is possible that Filburt’s “excitement” is of the negative variety. It could be more along the lines of psychosomatic hysteria, and he may believe the “fools” at the hospital had misled him to pointless worry.

But further evidence points to desire rather than dread. When Rocko beholds Filburt’s stockpile of used soda cans in his trailer basement, he concludes, “So this is why he never works.”

If there is any truth to that theory, it is only partial. Sure, recycled soft-drink containers can fetch as many as 15 cents apiece in participating states. At the time of Rocko’s original run, Michigan was the gold standard at a 10-cent refund. And incidentally, the map showing the path from O-Town to Holl-o-wood vaguely suggests the series takes place in or around the Great Lakes State.

With all of that said, one generally needs to purchase the beverage before returning the can. The only way to make the refund program profitable is by emulating Kramer and Newman in an episode of Seinfeld. You had better believe some people have done that, only to be foiled on legal grounds.

Odds are Filburt is not inclined to engage in such state-crossing misdeeds. He lacks the means, let alone the intestines, to knowingly attempt anything illicit.

 

But that very characteristic susceptibility to nausea can explain his mass soda consumption. When one’s throat, stomach or both are that uncomfortable, few potables go down easier than ginger ale or a lemon-lime carbonated concoction.

Knowing him as well as they do, Filburt’s friends may occasionally gift him with those beverages. But Rocko clearly does not know the side of Filburt that accrued enough cans to make ends meet without regular employment.

The majority of the beverages must therefore be part of his compensation from the research labs. They are fundamentally free for him. Likewise, he is free to trade in the used cans at an O-Town depository.

For a trailer dweller, that could be a crucial way of supplementing the checks he gets for his troubles at the lab. When he vaguely says he gets the cans “here and there,” he is most likely circumventing the subject due to a sense of stigma.

Just because Barney Gumble volunteers his volunteerism does not mean everyone in that field is comfortable doing so. Filburt would just as soon have his friends believe he does not have regular gigs of any kind. He furthers this notion when he and Heffer are filming the Kind-Of-A-Lot-O-Comics portion of Rocko’s video to his parents, jokingly suggesting that they “shoot some videos of where we work every day.”

That is as far as he will push the envelope on his employment status. As “The High Five of Doom” reveals, he will not even jot down accounts of his lab experiences to himself. As therapeutic as that could be, there is too much chance someone will read it. That potentiality comes to fruition when Rocko and Heffer discover the science-fiction novel he fills his notebook with instead.

Then again, the plot and details of that story may draw inspiration from the lab. In another money-saving move, Filburt substitutes complimentary restaurant mustard for expensive cologne. He could have inside knowledge ahead of the general public from participating in a promising experiment.

For his sake, one would hope Filburt can find a more enjoyable career, one that comes with less pressure, anxiety or uncertainty. But maybe his own attentiveness and resourcefulness could make his attachment to clinical trials his eventual ticket out.

Who needs Turtystrol when you can make yourself confident with aromatic mustard-based cologne? If everyone did what Filburt does at the Chewey Chicken, odds are mustard would not stay free for long. But since this is his discovery, it would only be fair if he could capitalize if and when the practice becomes profitable.

He has certainly paid his dues, even while getting paid to serve as a reptilian lab rat.

Jock Jams, Volume 3: How does the Jock series hold up today?

Side 2 of the Jock Jams, Volume 3 cassette features two tracks still brightening the bookends of New York State.

The side’s first full-length track got new life in the middle of this decade along the shores of Lake Erie. Meanwhile, the last track apart from an ESPN-produced mash-up and a Ray Castoldi organ number has never really gone away. It is still a staple in one of the Big Apple’s foremost athletic venues.

The second song overall on the 1997 album has kept its running legs for two decades and counting. Others had a solid dash out of the gate before inevitably vanishing into the exponentially expanding ocean of canned music.

And yes, a handful of Volume 3 selections failed to get any kind of lift-off in the genre Jock Jams all but created. That is to be expected given the album’s point of arrival and the puzzling presence of some tunes to begin with.

At its release, the compilation’s last vocal track may have even had some fans wondering if this was the series’ swan song. It would not be, as ESPN would unleash two more Jock albums while Fox Sports had the last.

Regardless, the collective legacy of Jock Jams, Volume 3 underscores the way it middled in the middle of the series. The then and now of each of its songs on the sports scene and in general culture are as follows.

“Tribal Dance”

When mashed up with Dick Vitale, “Tribal Dance” became 2 Unlimited’s most viable game-starting alternative to “Get Ready for This.” Between the national anthem and the opening play, it is easy to cue it up from the top and hear Vitale shout, “Let’s do it, baby! Let’s do it!”

The long-defunct Colonial/United Hockey League’s Port Huron Border Cats, whose second season began one month after JJV3 was released, did just that. During the same era, spilling into the early 2000s, those who watched enough televised Philadelphia Flyers home games could hear it in the background once in a while.

Athletic events, pep rallies and related assemblies in school gyms would include “Tribal Dance” during the last quarter of the 1990s as well. Those wjo have not bothered springing for more updated mixes may still use it.

 

“Ready to Go”

Despite coming second on this track list, “Ready to Go” was an even more liable to supplant “Get Ready for This.” It has long been synonymous with the Nashville Predators and still assumes a prominent pregame position in a smattering of other major venues.

The one-hit wonder Republica even returned with a slightly altered mix of this song on Jock Rock 2000. In the Jock series, that puts it in exclusive company with “Rock and Roll Part 2” among repeat tracks.

Between its straightforward titular refrain and matching pump-up rhythm, this tune is tougher to knock into the cliché canon than most of its Jock series peers. Whether you choose the piano or guitar mix, the crescendo is perfect for a player rollout, lineup announcement or opening-play build-up.

“I Like It Like That”

With the title track, Tito Nieves cracked Jock Jams, Volume 3 the same year he released his I Like It Like That album. The tone and tempo might not be all-star caliber, but it sustains a steady groove suitable for random occasions.

As the St. Croix Source reflected in mid-June 2004, when it was hot, the salsa tune was played “regularly at major league baseball and NBA games.” All things considered, it deserved broader play in the sports world, and maybe a longer mainstream stretch. This author cannot recall hearing it at any of countless major, minor pro or college hockey, baseball, football or basketball games. It would work in any of those settings.

 

 

“C’Mon ’N Ride It (The Train)”

A decade and a half after the Quad City DJ’s broke out, the short-lived ECHL’s Chicago Express used this as their goal song. That clever touch has been aped by other sports teams bearing nicknames related to rail travel.

Outside of sports, “C’Mon ’N Ride It” appeared in an amusingly appropriate context at the end of a 2015 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode. With that sustained presence in pop culture, it can still work as an occasional what-the-heck selection at a given game.

“Da’ Dip”

Despite peaking at No. 1 on Canada’s RPM magazine dance ranking, Freak Nasty’s most successful work could not catch on across the sports realm. One of its blatant flaws in that regard is its consistently hushed tone. The soft delivery of the lyrics clashes with the quick pace, essentially defeating the purpose of instilling an urge to groove.

That fatal flaw may not have disqualified “Da’ Dip” from Jock Jams, but it still sounds out of place there.

“Jump!”

Several high-profile arenas kept this song fresh by only playing its guttural opening exclamation, “Are you readyyyyyyyyyyy?”

Certainly by the turn of the century, that was the best bet for any trained ears to catch it. But even before that hard shell of The Movement beat’s self remained, the whole track was pulsating as well.

With the first countdown to the chorus (“5, 4, 3, you know the rest”), it was worthy pregame fodder. With emphasis on the instruments and the repetitious “Jump!” directive, it could pick the crowd up at any point mid- or late-game.

“Jellyhead”

This is one of two JJV3 tracks where neither the song nor the artist (Crush) has a standalone Wikipedia page. The other is “Supersonic” by Sabrina Sang, and this one at least had more of a game-day vibe to it.

When it was hot off the album, “Jellyhead” offered a long instrumental opening riff that needed no context. You could play that portion for a quick stoppage of play if you were sure it would be quick. In addition, the chorus includes the line “You must be out of your mind,” a perfect good-natured diss for an official making an unfavorable call on the home team.

For that reason alone, even if it tripped into obscurity across pop culture, “Jellyhead” deserved a little more arena action than it got.

“No Diggity”

In 2015, a rather stingy Aaron Gordon of Vice Sports ranked every Jock Jams song. Despite slotting this in at a surprisingly lofty No. 25, Gordon concluded that it “Might be the best actual song on Jock Jams. But it is the opposite of a Jock Jam.”

Indeed, what may have fit in well on MTV Jams did not fit the Jock Jams system. Like “Da’ Dip” from earlier in Volume 3 and “Set It Off” from the previous edition, it is too slow and soft to make sense at most, if not all points on game night. 

Blackstreet deserves credit for dethroning the dynastic “Macarena” (another JJV2 track) from Billboard’s No. 1 slot after 14 weeks. But whereas Billboard takes all popular music into consideration, Jock Jams is supposed to be all about what fits in a sports setting.

Ironically, when Jock Jams, Volume 4 unleashed the series’ second Mega Mix, a faster remix of the refrain, “I like the way you work it,” was sampled. Maybe if a full-length speed-up had graced this compilation, it would have been a stadium staple for years.

 

“Let Me Clear My Throat”

With a condensed version, the Buffalo Sabres gave this DJ Kool single a revival as their goal song in 2015. Brought on by a fan vote, it has kept that designation for the last four seasons.

When it debuted in that context, Chris Peters of CBS Sports concluded, “This shouldn’t make sense as a goal song, but oh my goodness it does. They even spliced the song up a bit to make sure that it hits all the right points to keep the crowd rocking in celebration after the home team lights the lamp. How can you not smile after hearing that?”

Maybe if you’re anti-’90s nostalgia, but tough luck if you are. “Let Me Clear My Throat” had a respectable sound-system slot in the wake of its release, and it is clearly making good on its second wind. Across the pond, it’s the same story with the Fife Flyers.

The song’s lasting or renewed resonance transcends virtually all sports. As Brooklyn Nets vice president of game presentation Paul Kamras told Billboard in September 2017, “If you wanna go old school, a little DJ Kool, ‘Let Me Clear My Throat.’ Some people, they’re not gonna (know) who the artist is, but they know when they hear the first cut of that song. They start moving for some reason.”

“That’s The Way I Like It”

KC and the Sunshine Band return from Volume 2, ensuring at least one disco throwback for each of the first three Jock Jams.

As far as real-world sports action has gone, the repeated refrain in the chorus is mostly reserved for the occasional scoring play. And because of its advanced age even at the time of this compilation, “That’s The Way (I Like It)” is at a disadvantage in any bid for long-term prominence.

“Supersonic”

This little-known solo performance by the aforementioned Sang reportedly had at least one self-explanatory place in the sports world. As YouTube user KL commented, the NBA’s late Seattle SuperSonics once used it to commence the second half of their home games. Of course, that franchise bolted for Oklahoma City in 2008, and the song has been hard to come by anywhere else.

“Fired Up!”

As the title indicates, the Funky Green Dogs’ essential message is that someone has them fired up. However, the way that chorus and its bridges come out suggests they are working to fire each other up.

This is another tune whose athletic legacy consists of little more than being sampled on this series’ second Mega Mix. But any sensible DJ should have appreciated its potential as a warm-up song. Sometimes a baby-steps build-up to gametime is the way to go, and this would have suited that situation perfectly in the last quarter of the ’90s.

“Fired Up!” may not create, let alone signify the titular mood for a sports audience on its own. But it can help everyone look forward to feeling fired up when 2 Unlimited or Republica take over the PA system.

“Robi Rob’s Bariqua Anthem”

Just like 2 Unlimited, Black Box and the Village People in Volume 2, C+C Music Factory garnered a second shift. But matching, let alone eclipsing “Gonna Make You Sweat” was an inevitably tall order.

This Hispanophone hit’s hook “Que es lo que quiere esa nena” rings soundly enough to lend a break-in-the-action boost. But for the most part, it went underutilized or ignored altogether amongst sound crews. As a result, the long-term impression among specialized sports-music junkies is that C+C was a one-hit wonder.

“Don’t Stop Movin’”

The straightforward title of this Livin’ Joy single reflects its motivational lyrics, which made it suitable for the late stages of a back-and-forth game if anyone pleased. Its placement as the third-to-last vocal track on this volume was thus a sound selection. But by all accounts, it never caught on as canned music.

 

 

“Cotton Eye Joe”

Polarizing as it was (and still is), this Rednex country-techno twist on an old folk tune proved one of the more adhesive Jock Jams. Its persistent usage at the old and new Yankee Stadium can be heavily credited (or blamed) for that.

If anyone is sick of it, those who pick their spots shrewdly can avoid it at sporting events. (You should be safe in Ottawa and Vancouver.) But there was a long time when that was not possible.

As recently as 2016, the likes of NHL veteran Justin Williams could not ignore the song’s continued PA presence. Meanwhile, in the junior ranks, Sioux Falls Stampede fans have taken a when-in-Rome approach to one leader’s shirtless dancing routine for a decade.

And as another testament to its staying power, “Cotton Eye Joe” reappeared on 2003’s Stadium Anthems, ESPN’s one-off attempt at a new music series.

“The Jock Jam Mega Mix”

With 16 songs and six interstitials, the company’s picks for the best of Volumes 1 and 2 come together in a three-minute, eight-second wild ride. The mash-up came with its own music video and cracked 1997’s Billboard Hot 100. But it was sparsely used at any actual games, especially higher-profile ones.

Wallaby Wednesday: What is Rocko’s most American episode?

Depending on what stage in life and education one started watching Rocko’s Modern Life, the show offered a jumpstart on a few key names and images in American history.

For this author, Rocko’s original run coincided with early elementary school. During that time, the United States presidents most synonymous with Presidents’ Day were ingrained in my knowledge. The same went for the fundamentals of elections and voting for public office.

Anything pertaining to World War II, including the name of the event, and immigration would come later. With that said, once those were introduced on a later elementary syllabus, some illustrations and terminology rang Rocko bells. Ditto General George Custer, who makes a cameo at the end of “Feisty Geist.” Who knew he was a real-life figure before taking a unit on the Black Hills war in social studies?

And while the series mentions no actual national parks, the Rocko universe contains its share of natural American treasures. Visting those locations is one of many definitive American activities to form the crux of a Rocko segment. Others include engaging in the democratic process, taking in a ballgame and learning about the country and locale’s roots.

On this Fourth of July eve, we break down the American elements of six Rocko half-episodes. Assess the storylines, images and dialogue, then decide for yourself which one is the most uniquely U.S.-oriented.

“Spitballs”

Besides revolving around America’s national pastime, this episode depicts some characteristically American aspects of baseball fandom.

Rocko wants nothing more than to replace his shredded foul ball by authentically recreating the experience of catching one. Heffer wants an up-close, in-person glimpse of his idol, Spike Hammerhead, doing what he does best, followed by an autograph.       

In between, he chows on a steaming ballpark hot dog and indulges in other concessions. Meanwhile, both game-goers proudly wear their giveaway jockstraps. And why not? They each paid $50 for their tickets, so any free merchandise is a nice throw-in.

“Road Rash”

If the Rocko universe ever lives up to chorus of “Big Yellow Taxi,” it does so within this storyline. In the final scene, an American national park gives way to a parking lot for a piece of corporate America.

Throughout the preceding plot, Heffer takes Rocko on his quest to check Flem Rock off his bucket list while he still can. Time is as precious as the slice of the country’s natural majesty he yearns to see. But in an ironic twist, another chain of prototypically American fast food helps the travelers beat the clock.

While embodying his homeland’s not-so-flattering stereotype of slobbery and overeating, as he is wont to do, Heffer wins a pork restaurant’s hot dog-shaped vehicle. The replacement for his destroyed motorcycle gets an equally timely kick of “extra relish” from a gang of benevolent bikers. And from there, he and Rocko have the distinction of witnessing a last and a first on the once-cheirshed site.

One might take Heffer’s immediate shift in attention from the rock’s unceremonious (as promised) removal to the prompt installation of the new Chokey Chicken a sad commentary on American apathy. But as he and Rocko dine, he renames the existing national parks still on his checklist. One of those attractions, the world’s largest slice of processed cheese, even combines consumerism with mystique.

“Kiss Me, I’m Foreign”

If title cards alone decided this contest, Rocko’s depiction as the Statue of Liberty would all but clinch the distinction.

As it is, the ensuing episode portrays a test of how far an immigrant will go to preserve his keep in America. Since an error prevents him from being rewarded for doing everything right, he resorts to a sham marriage.

When that arrangement yields trouble, Rocko admits that, if he must make the choice, he would rather preserve his friendship than his residence. Fortunately, he and Filburt buy enough time for the immigration department to correct its own blunder.

 

“The Emperor’s New Joe”

While the story they tell Rocko carries uncertain credibility, the Chameleon Brothers are undeniably pursuing the American dream from an immigrant’s perspective. Their ambiguously Central European accents and breadth of enterprises throughout the series confirm their longing to bring their ideas from home to the land of opportunity and share a symbiotic relationship with consumers.

In this episode, that relationship is so crucial that they hastily bring their first skeptical café customer, Rocko, to the back and explain themselves. But even before another yarn for another patron makes the first less believable, they cannot convince Rocko to try their coffee again.

The all-American tactic of twisting one’s arm with please-buy-us-or-we’re-ruined melodrama does not work on the Chameleons’ fellow immigrant. In the show’s greatest patriotic speech since Heffer pitched the road trip to Flem Rock, Rocko reminds everyone, “We are not ruled by a tyrannical czar. A person has a right to do what they choose.”

He then supports his case with a quote by Thomas Jefferson before being ejected and derisively called “Honest Abe.” Lincoln’s likeness also appears in the background during Rocko’s speech in the form of the Lincoln Memorial. Ditto George Washington on the one-dollar bill plus the Capitol Building and a monument to the flag-raising at Iwo Jima.

The quote in question comes directly from the third president’s actual first inaugural address, and makes a valid point on dissent’s place in democracy.

“Ed Good, Rocko Bad”

Rocko’s naïve trust in the American electorate combines with the electorate’s naïve distrust in him to doom his dog-catcher campaign. The upshot is a demoralizing plunge from when he wins over the townspeople as a citizen activist in “Zanzibar.”

Premiering in the summer of the 1996 presidential cycle, “Ed Good, Rocko Bad” satirizes the extent and effects of attack ads. It highlights the superficial advantages of advanced campaign funding and how they can sway swing voters.

On the other hand, with its twist ending, it gives an example of ballot proposals at their best. Even if O-Town does not really know who they are putting into office, they do know and decide on his duties (pun unavoidable).

“Floundering Fathers”

This segment begins with Rocko, Heffer and Filburt transporting a collection of hot dogs combined to look like a hamburger. But as synonymous with all-American barbecues as that may be, Ed denies them a float in O-Town’s all-American parade.

Bighead’s xenophobic exclusion of the Australian-born Rocko sets off the segment’s plot, as everyone tells their interpretation of the city’s history.

Heffer’s version packs the most U.S. history terminology. By name-dropping Davy Crockett, minutemen, Lewis and Clark, Abraham Lincoln (or Abraham Heffer), redcoats, the OK Corral and the first Thanksgiving dinner, he tells what retroactively comes across as a hybrid of Drunk History and the Rocko segment “Yarnbenders.”

Ed similarly claims he is descended from a Founding Father, John Quincy Bighead. Unfortunately for him, he gets a serving of humble pie instead of apple when he learns John Quincy had cheated the land’s first residents. None other than Rocko’s ancestor divulges this fact, prompting a tribal leader to collect the centuries-old debt.

Jock Jams, Volume 2: How does the Jock series hold up today?

Was Jock Jams, Volume 2 doomed to brook the common curse that clouds the quality of sequels?

For what it’s worth, Aaron Gordon of Vice Sports made the top echelon of his comprehensive Jock Jams song ranking Volume 1-heavy. The first compilation produced his picks for each of the top three, four of the top five and six of the top 10.

The first of four follow-ups on the contemporized side of ESPN’s Jock series, JJV2 has come to bear the look of a B-team roster. It is as if the most popular candidates got priority for 1995’s Volume 1, forcing the runners-up to wait their turn another year.

By that point, the first volume and its tracks had capitalized on a sprinting head start, revolutionizing the game-day experience. Subsequent introductions to arena playlists would need time to cement themselves, and most could not stick.

In general, fresher content’s best bet proved to be the turn of the century. That was only because Volume 1 and the Jock series’ act in general had finally grown too tiresome to leave it in the driver’s seat.

The credited return of three artists from the first volume amplifies this notion. Sports fans who were not organic fans of the artists could not help sizing up what was new with what was established to their ears.

Even the first-time presence of the age’s popular musicians and fever-striking fad dances had mixed results. Some caught on in the sports-culture conscience while others were all but relegated to the sidelines.

ESPN personalities Dan Patrick and Chris Berman did their part to give JJV2 a jumpstart. Then again, they had already filled interstitials on the second Jock Rock album, and look where that sub-brand went.

Perhaps Patrick and Berman did come up short when they said “Welcome to the big show” and “He could go all the way!” to kick off this compilation. Still, Jock Jams fared well enough after Volume 2 to keep coming back for the rest of the decade.

As far as every song’s immediate and long-term resonance at sporting events goes, the show was overblown and fell a few yards short. Here is the track-by-track breakdown.

“No Limit”

Unlike 2 Unlimited’s two appearances on the first Jock Jams, this track is heavy on vocals. Although, since full songs are rarely played at sporting events, the instrumental intro is usually all fans have gotten.

In hockey-crazed circles, “No Limit” enjoys impressive traction. In 1994, it appeared on the first installment of the Canadian compilation Contact!. A decade later, ahead of the second World Cup of Hockey, it was on a Finnish-produced album. It was also featured in Don Cherry’s Rock’Em Sock’Em Hockey video series. A game-goer in Canada or a U.S.-based CHL arena still stands a decent chance of hearing it over the loudspeakers.

But back in America, compared to “Get Ready for This” or “Twilight Zone” from Volume 1 or even “Tribal Dance” from Volume 3, “No Limit” has had limited prominence. With that said, it would have been a fresher option to culminate a pre-game build-up during the band and series’ peak years.

In this country and century, Mentos commercials aside, it is a dark horse for priority on a hypothetical ’90s Night. There is only so much time and space for 2 Unlimited tracks these days.

 

“Everybody Everybody”

In recent years, Buzzfeed has twice heaped high praise on this Black Box track. It ranks even higher than “Strike It Up” among the site’s picks for the top dance songs of the ’90s. In Buzzfeed’s ranking of the top 20 Jock Jams series tracks, it is the Black Box’s only shift. The same holds true for Complex’s top-10 Jock Jams list.

Despite what anyone thinks of the song as a whole, however, “Everybody Everybody” has never matched the sporting connotations of “Strike It Up.” The former will still pop up in places like Madison Square Garden, where Jock series mastermind Ray Castoldi works. But the latter has a greater sustained presence thanks to its innately more energetic tempo. It also came to the Jock series when the series had more novelty.

“1, 2, 3, 4 (Sumpin’ New)”

It’s not “Gangsta’s Paradise,” but it is the first Jock Jams track by a bona fide mainstream success.

It also did not get nearly as much game-day play as most other ESPN selections. But its broader legacy was strong enough for it to join fellow Coolio song “Too Hot” and fellow Jock Jam “Come Baby Come” (from Volume 1, via K7) on the 2005 three-disc compilation All That “Hip Hop”.

“We Got a Love Thang”

When it was released in 1992, “We Got a Love Thang” found brief regal positioning on American and Canadian dance charts. For crossover sports and music buffs across the continent, that made it a winner in the canned cue.

As with Coolio, this was not the signature song for its artist, CeCe Peniston, in the ears of most listeners. That distinction goes to “Finally,” the title track of the first album featuring “We Got a Love Thang.” But it had its non-allergenic time and places, including athletic places, for the balance of its birth decade.

“This Is Your Night”

Impressively, this Amber single was but three months old when it appeared in the Jock Jams anthology. Two years later, it appeared prominently in A Night at the Roxbury, joining a mixed soundtrack of half-contemporary, half-yesterday dance songs.

Granted, that movie did not measure up with the great Saturday Night Live screenplays. In that sense, it more or less mirrors the way Jock Jams, Volume 2 could not collectively gain the same traction as the original.

“This Is Your Night” ended up one of the casualties of the compilation’s comparative obscurity. That is rather unfortunate, as even today it can still be useful on special occasions. The opening riff and dive right into the chorus makes a good intro for when a home team is looking to clinch a playoff spot, series or title. Similarly, the chorus’ concluding line “everything is gonna be all right” can lighten a tense mood when the hosts are trying to avert elimination.

“This Is How We Do It”
Back in this author’s days as a Sports Illustrated for Kids subscriber, an NBA players’ survey listed this among the songs they wanted scrapped from all sound systems. (Bad news for them, Jordan himself has performed it live at games well into this century.) That alone speaks to the tune’s prominence in at least sport, if not multiple sports, when it was hot.

Even after Montell Jordan’s breakout single cooled from the mainstream, it continues to peek out. TV shows, movies and advertisements keep finding amusing contexts for it. And the mention of “Friday night” in the song’s first bridge must tempt a few arena DJs feeling a Flashback Friday fever.

“Set It Off”

Give Strafe credit for producing something people wanted to sample as late as the mid-2000s, two decades after the original mix. But as part of Jock Jams, it sounds out of place. It is too hushed and slow to spark a game-going crowd. Even the point when the gates open an hour-plus before first pitch, faceoff, kickoff or tip-off is not compatible.

 

“Macarena”

With one change in track, JJV2 goes from snoozing to swaying. The abrupt change in tempo comes from one of the songs that completes any ’90s retrospective.

Los Del Mar’s 1995 cover is not significantly different from Los Del Rio’s original “Macarena” from 1993. The chief distinction lies in the bridges, but the chorus was the crux of its catchiness.

Whichever version you went with, it was inescapable in any setting that warranted good, fun dancing. Sports enthusiasts could not avoid it in the mid-to-late ’90s any more than they could dodge “Who Let the Dogs Out” circa 2000-01 or “Gangnam Style” circa 2012-13.

“I Like to Move It”

This author’s other job is in communications at an independent school, and this song is a staple at the school’s annual intramural sports festival. No parents or faculty even bat an eye at the brief allusion to “sweet and sexy” dancing.

Perhaps that is the effect of the titular refrain by Reel 2 Real. Most of what follows is hard to distinguish, and in most sports settings, only the hit-the-ground-running opening will be played. More privileged DJs can even remix it to run “I like to move it, move it” on a loop for a half-minute, give or take. Many of them have done that, even after the turn of the century.

“Party”

Somehow or other, Dis-n-Dat and an uncredited 69 Boyz could not push this song into the echelon of in-game regulars. The hook would make a sound alternative to the scoring-play standards at any time. Moreover, the Miami-based group and the Jock series both came into prominence when the Panthers and Marlins were each making a near-instantaneous splash.

“Get Down Tonight”

Jock Jams, Volume 1 served one retro hit with “YMCA.” Starting with KC and the Sunshine Band, Volume 2 dishes up a double dose of disco.

At the time of this series, this was implicitly a go-to option for a nostalgia minute or ’70s Night. Now more time has elapsed since JJV2 than between the compilation and this 1975 hit. It is always a surprise if and when this still gets a go-round at a collegiate or professional sporting event.

 

“Give It Up”

Before they were Chocolate Puma, the Dutch house DJ tandem the Goodmen broke out with this 1992 composition. While fairly basic and not nearly as pulsating or in-your-face as most Jock Jams tracks, “Give It Up” found its way into the arena.

Perhaps most notably, it could be heard during the player introductions at the 2003 NHL All-Star Game. With that said, unless one is going for relatively soft background noise to PA announcements, “Give It Up” has never had much to offer at a game.

“The Bomb”

In its near first quarter-century of existence, “The Bomb” has sustained approval from dance-music critics. In the shorter run, the instrumental hook and vocal refrain “These sounds fall into my mind” would make the cut for the first Jock Jams megamix (more on that in a future column).

This despite being comparatively eclipsed by most of its Volume 2 cohabitants as well as peers on preceding and subsequent compilations.

“Boom Boom Boom”

Former college baseball pitcher Kevin Berry was four when this song was released, and six when it appeared on Jock Jams. Yet he used it as his walk-up music during the 2013 Louisiana State season (and teammate Chris Sciambra used “This Is How We Do It”).

That is one testament to the staying power of the Outhere Brothers’ contribution to athletic atmospheres. Not surprisingly, it does not enjoy the prominence it once did. But other ballplayers audibly used it as a personal intro and big-league DJs in various sports used it for stoppages of play as late as the early 2000s.

 

“What’s Up”

All within 1993, DJ Miko took the 4 Non Blondes’ original straw and spun it into sporting fodder. The masterminds behind Jock Jams were convinced in time to place the cover version here three years later.

For at least a decade thereafter, select stadium DJs gave it ample play, particularly in unfavorable situations for the home team. The website sportsannouncing.com even lists it among many suggestions for when a penalty call goes against a host hockey player. That is more than most of the series’ non-Volume 1 songs can say.

“Macho Man”

As far as Village People songs go, this is no “YMCA.” Then and now, the implicit attitude of most stadium DJs is that there is only room for one of the flamboyant disco group’s singles.

BC’s Patrick Giles sets high aspirations beyond the NHL Draft

(Photo courtesy of BC Athletics)

Boston College forward Patrick Giles is familiar with the NHL Draft process. He participated in the Washington Capitals development camp last summer prior to his freshman season, and knew about the rigorous training and interviews required from potential employers.

Emerging from that experience, the Maryland native remained mindful of his great fortune as an undrafted participant in his hometown’s team development camp.

“I was a huge Capital fan growing up, and have been a fan of how Nicklas Backstrom and T.J. Oshie play the game,” Giles told Pucks and Recreation before last weekend’s 2019 draft. “Everyone wants to play for their hometown team so that would be a dream come true. Honestly, though, any NHL organization would be a dream.”

College Hockey Inc. had a hunch he would take a formal first step there, grading Giles as a prospective fourth-to-sixth round candidate. Ultimately, he was passed over, but still had reason to watch. Even going in, he was thinking about more than his own prospects.

“I am definitely going to be following it for my future teammates,” he said before the draft. “I am excited to work with this great group of guys we have coming in.”

Giles did not have to wait long for those current or soon-to-be teammates to be selected. Out of the Eagles’ connections in the 2019 pool, seven were projected as draft-worthy.
 



(Photo courtesy of BC Athletics)

Incoming BC forward Matthew Boldy (Minnesota Wild), goaltender Spencer Knight (Florida Panthers) and forward Alex Newhook (Colorado Avalanche) were all selected in the first round last Friday. Defenseman Marshall Warren was likewise picked by the Avalanche in the sixth round to cap off a stellar weekend for BC hockey. The celebratory news continued after that with head coach Jerry York earning enshrinement as a builder in the Hockey Hall of Fame.
 

Despite the disappointment of not joining the Eagles’ nest of NHL draftees, Giles remains level-headed and committed to improving in his sophomore season. 

“I went through the same process of meeting with teams, participating in pre-draft workouts and I think what I learned is that the draft isn’t the end goal,” he said. “Jack McBain, one of my current teammates who is a drafted player encouraged me just to focus on getting better every day.”

Giles certainly took that advice to heart as he improved once the calendar turned to 2019 this past season. He recorded four of his six points in the second half of the season, and even scored his first collegiate goal in the Beanpot against Harvard.

“Scoring in the Beanpot was definitely the highlight of my first season at BC,” said Giles. “I remember that goal vividly as I got a great pass from Graham McPhee. Even more than scoring that goal, I was just excited to get the win.”

Giles felt that his play improved in the second half of the year thanks to the now-Hall-of-Fame-certified coaching at Conte Forum.

“During the season,” he said, “I felt that I developed my game a lot through the great coaching at BC. I know that I need to keep getting faster and that I need to spend the summer working on my shot.”

Beyond the community of teammates and coaches at BC, Giles has also relied on advice from fellow Maryland native and current AHL Iowa Wild fixture Sam Anas.
 

(Photo courtesy of BC Athletics)



Giles and Anas have a unique friendship. They grew up within 10 miles of each other, with Giles residing in Chevy Chase and Anas in Potomac. Both also attended Landon High School. During his two years there, Giles led the Bears to two straight Mid-Atlantic Prep Hockey League titles.

Finally, like Giles to this point, Anas went undrafted before realizing his potential as a pro after signing with the Wild after his junior year at Quinnipiac.

Anas, who is seven years Giles’ senior, has yet to see action in Minnesota. But he is currently the best bet to become the first NHL player to have played for and graduated from a Washington, D.C.-area high school. Perhaps Giles can become the second.

“Sam’s been a great friend and mentor,” Giles said. “We went to the same high school and he has told me that the most important thing is to trust the process. We often work out together in the summer and his advice has helped a lot.”

Giles recognizes the support that is present all around him and knows where he needs to improve to have his name called on NHL Draft weekend. Since he will turn 20 next year, he still has an outshot at being selected in 2020. However, free agency is his most likely inlet at this point.

Beyond that, he selflessly recognizes the opportunity ahead of him during his sophomore season at BC.

“We have a great class coming in, and the players we currently have are now a year older and are more experienced,” said Giles determinedly. “Our end goal every year is to make a run at a national championship and I know that we have a chance this year.”

-          John Morton

Wallaby Wednesday: When Virginia Wolfe pulled a Homer

Five years after “Homer Defined” and a decade and a half before Bob’s Burgers, Virginia Wolfe exhibits multiple dimensions of Linda Belcher while pulling a Homer in her most prominent Rocko’s Modern Life segment.

Season 4’s “Driving Mrs. Wolfe” sees Heffer’s adoptive mother enlist Rocko as her unlicensed behind-the-wheel instructor. With presumably no permit in hand, she lets her motherly habits cloud her capacity for literal street smarts.

All the while, she alternates between exuding enthusiasm and scolding her son’s friend when his justifiable fear boils over. The gusto and admonishment are both, most naturally, misplaced in the situation.

The naivete-driven misadventure approaches its climax when Virginia determinedly agrees to “play” with a demolition-derby heavyweight. The start of that confrontation marks a brief fast-forward ahead of the rewind at the start of the episode. It also marks a rare fourth-wall teardown, as Rocko prepares to explain how he got there.

That presentation could be a court-mandated public-safety speech as part of his plea bargain for unauthorized behind-the-wheel training. Rocko gives no indication that he possesses a driver education instruction certificate, and thus should not let Virginia take him on the road.

Both parties should be in legal trouble, but their could-have-been-worse debacle bears several potential cases for a lighter sentence. A clean driving record on the former’s part and sound citizenship on the part of both are safe to presume.

One should also not overlook the neophyte motorist’s impressive performance, both on the road and at the derby. Parking-lot light displacements and railroad-crossing failure aside, the student and the not-formally-qualified instructor avoid doing any harm.

The only visible damage afflicts Rocko’s besieged car. That is until the pair take George Wolfe’s new car on a wrong turn into the demolition derby.

 

Against all odds, all of the destruction at the derby hits those who are expected to take dents in that setting. Virginia and Rocko, however, escape personal injury and property damage without the former even making sense of the peril.

Virginia can therefore say she pulled a Homer — both by driving safely when logic says she will not, and by winning the derby despite not knowing how the competition works.

Strictly speaking, the third-season Simpsons episode that coined the phrase defines pulling a Homer as “To succeed despite idiocy.” Idiocy is a strong word, even for Homer. After all, he averts a nuclear meltdown twice in as many tries by correctly choosing the right button at random. Even if it is dumb luck, multiple strokes of it look less accidental than one ever will.

Besides, “Homer Defined” premiered two years before the title character is found to be working at the power plant despite lacking a requisite college degree. Substandard training is therefore a more operative noun than idiocy when one refers to pulling a Homer.

It is the same situation with Virginia in the driver’s seat. Unfamiliarity with demolition derbies and a dearth of vehicular experience in general are her harrowing flaws on this wild ride. In short, she is driving and doing so harmlessly despite having yet to earn a license.

You could condense those flaws into the word incompetence, which everyone has in certain areas by nature or from lack of education. That is what Virginia hopes to rectify when her biological son Peter expresses qualms about her driving the family car.

“Well, I can learn,” she replies in a tone that adds a silent, How hard can it be?

Naturally, learning is much harder than she assumes, though her confidence does not wane much after she gets behind the wheel. Granted, she does start learning with the help of Rocko later in the segment. Nonetheless, logic dictates that she cannot learn enough in one day to qualify for a demolition derby.

 

Of course, she never does try out, let alone qualify. Instead, she steers into the fairgrounds arena after missing the exit to Rocko’s house and continuing to misread the map. For that reason, you could also substitute absent-mindedness for idiocy, and Virginia is still en route to pulling a Homer.

Whether it is through misplaced attention or an utter lack of knowledge of the event, she does not even recognize the setting when she drives herself and Rocko into the derby.

Yet despite knowing little of what she is doing, she wins, thus completing her answer to “Homer Defined.” Her short-term memory commits enough of Rocko’s reverse-driving, zigzagging and braking lessons for her to outmaneuver every opponent.

Most derby winners, like the last and most formidable opponent standing, thrive on offense. Conversely, Virginia plays constant keepaway, which would ordinarily be maligned as cowardly in this competition.

But being no ordinary, let alone informed demolition driver, Virginia innocently believes she has encountered chaotic traffic and rude motorists. To her credit, and surely to Rocko’s relief, safety is her priority now. (If only she had rated that over politeness when they crossed the railroad.) It works to their advantage and, as a bonus, it keeps George’s car pristine, just as he intends.

With that said, as he hitches a ride home with the entire Wolfe family, Rocko loads up on seatbelts. By that point, George is at the wheel, and will do everything in his power to keep the car and (by default) its passengers unscathed.

But despite winning the derby, Rocko indicates no one is winning his trust in traffic for a while. His greatest source of relief is the chance to quit while he is ahead.

There is no need for him to channel Aristotle Amadopolous, who admonishes Homer for succeeding by happenstance. But given the parallels, this is Virginia’s first of two strikes before the anti-charm third time she drives unlicensed.

She had better achieve that formal training before she causes a traffic accident without even involving herself in traffic.